05-08-2011
TheLiberalNews[tm] The Satirist: "Never steal! Never steal anything SMALL as the US monopolies."

NECESSITY
OF
SATIRE

THE

BREAKINK

NOOSE

BY:

RABBI MOE

VIT HISS SIDEKICKER

THE

UNCLE

BABA A/K/A BUBBA

THE

NECESSARY

COMIC

COSMIC

RELIEF

SATIRE'S

SANCTUARY

THE LIBERALNEWS[TM]
BY: THE SATIRIST
QUERY:
FROM ONE
LIBERAL SITE
TO ANOTHER

HEY, ARIANA!  AS ONE LIBERAL SITE TO ANOTHER, WHY DON'T YOU DONATE ONE OF THOSE $300 TO US. WE DESEVER IT? RIGHT.....

OK, THEN, IF THAT DOES NOT WORK.   HOW ABOUT AN OUTRIGHT "PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE?"  I  AM SEMI-AFFLUENT IN  SOME SLAVONIC LANGUAGES.

OK, THEN, IF THAT DOES NOT WORK.  HOW ABOUT , THE GOSPEL FOLLOWERS... GUARANTEE YOUR
 SPIRITUAL SALVATION?  YOU KNOW LIKE THOSE SINCERE TV EVANGELISTS. 

 OK, THEN, IF THAT DOES NOT WORK. WEEEEELLLLLLL, THEN,  I GUESS WE HAVE FAILED.

OR MAYBE NOT: OK, THEN, I WILL MARRY BARBARA WALTERS.  THERE....... 

OOOOPS, NOW HERE IS THE REAL ONE, OPRAH!!! OWN

HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS, "I LOVE YOU FOR YOU; NOT YOUR MONEY.........."

THE LIBERAL NEWS[TM] SATIRIST

A SHARED MEMORY

Rodney Dangerfield Nov 25, 20O5

I was sad to hear to Rodney dangerfield's passing. He would agree, he was as nervous off-stage as on. When I MCed for him, I'd scream. Damn it! Rodney, you're making me so nerous I cant remember the intro. To calm him, I would scream "Rodney you're gonna bomb tonight!" He would laugh and then calm down.

I was happy to see his rise to stardom. Yet his name is a misnomer. The only thing DANGEROUS about Rodnety was his anger if you tried to stick him with the check after dinner. Then you better watch out for Mr. Frugal, as I calld him.

Well. Farewell Mr. Cohen. Thanks for alll the laughs. But, you know what your problem was in life? You never got any respect. Tell Henny I said hello.

A Site Participant

-------------------------

Friday, April 16, 2004
LIBERAL SATIRE--- by "The Satirist"
(He knew Rodney Dangerfield when his name was Cohen..)


THE LIBERAL NEWS (TM)
Besides, an irritated author declared,
“James Joyce was right. They're AUTHORITARIAN GRAMMARIANS. Killers of creativity. Those editors are obsessively-compulsive re grammatical errors. Not only neurotic; but, anal retentives needing purgatives. They read the page's words, but have no understanding of the meaning.”


As Henny Y. said,
"Hey, My third grade English teacher's name was Miss Punctuation." His friend replied, "Yeah, Henny, sometimes I feel like a semi-colon in a world of exclamation points!!! "Yeah," agreed Henny Y. "It's like that ADVERBIAL ADJECTIVITY where they got ya dottin' your T s and crossin' your eyes." "Boy, Henny, are you smart!" (Friend) "Well I gotta tell the truth. A kid in grade school taught me that. His name was "CRANKY." (Henny) "CRANKY?!" (Friend) "Yeah, I wonder what even happened to "CRANKY CRONKITE?" (Henny) "Well," replied the Fiend, "I may be a lowly semi-colon, but I aint no comma. I got a dot like the exclamation points."
'THE WORLD'S A STAGE; WE BUT ACTORS - COMEDIANS?''
*

"Good Humor's object always has a "victim?" who voluntarily tolerates the expense. An insignificant price to preserve society's solitary steam valve.

Nevertheless, the question arises whether a society [and its individuals] are sufficiently humble, modest andself-effacing to consent to a reasonable good-natured teasing - a light banter. Or, whether they descend to the low road of pretensions - exaggerated, hollow counterfeit accusations alleging insult. For a society so inflexible and dogmatic [it no longer freely laughs at its foibles] is precariously fragile and brittle soon destined to fragment asunder."

The Philosopher

TORIES AND PATRIOTS

Tory, Please, Forgive us, Please? Hey? Is military people supposed ta be talkin bout politics. Boy, are ewe one of em dumm ones. She aint in the military no more.Please. "TORY" forgive us - the people - 'cause like you said we're not able to know THE FACTS.

Gee. We didn't know we had to support to the selling-off of America, to be people of the 21st Century.

Forgive us. Please Tory, Please?     Uncle Bubba: "Mama, were do I go to be learnin ta be one of em elitistism people. Cause they always seam ta be knowin what their talkin bout."     Mama: "Well, Bubbie. I think ya gotta be goin ta one of em Servative prep schools or colleges. Ya no, where they teach ya at we the little people are stupid, The Mob - The Unwashed.Ya need ta be edicated. Then ya wont be soundin stupid , ya know."

RABBI MOE AND his introduction to

MARCH "CRAZINESS"

MARCH MADNESS

RABBI MOE:

"Hey, Mama. Vhat is wrong-it vith Uncle Baba? He keep-it talkink about beink in March Craziness. Beink inwited to some dancink. The Sweet 18. The Final 14. I'm worryink bout c'him."

Mama: "No problem Rabbi M. Ya dont need ta be worryin. It's at March Madness thing bout his college basketball team from Philie. They play in some all 'Merican tounament. Happens every year."

Rabbi Moe: "Vhere ist dat Philie place?"

GO!!! NOVA!!!

A 300-400 pound Southern Gentleman, with MARCH MADNESS in his eyes, visited us, insisting we insert this rallying cry.

Rabbi Moe: "Hey, Baba. Vhat or who ist dis NOVA? Vhere is dis Philie? Ist not on no map-it?" Uncle Bubba: "OK, Rebbie. I'll tell ya if ya tell me why they call CAFFERTYNSKY "JACK." Jack aint no Jewish name." Rabbi Moe: "OK. Zo 'Jack' is the kicknaming for da 'Jacob.' His' t name is Jacob Caffertynsky. One of dem loverboys from the Varsaw."

Uncle Bubba: "Did ya hear someone on the TV said er's a Mrs. Caffertynsky. Mama's on one of her rampages. Mean Uncle Fester says, 'Its like an Elephant in a China shop." Rabbi Moe: "Yoik! Heaven to the Betsy. Now we begiinink prayink for dat MRS. C. Dis moment very." Uncle Bubba: "Yo! Rebbie. What's at language we bin paryin in?" Rabbi Moe: "Ist dat ancient language of middle East Beer-Makers. It's beink callink it The He-Brews. OKs now let's beginink prayink for my Mench Woof and his Mench Caffertynsky. Der sum gut guys LEFT IN DIS WOURLD."

REGARDING MOUSTACHES

"Some men's destiny is to wear a moustache. If they do not, it knocks the Cosmos out of alignment. Someone, please, tell Cal Thomas; and, especially Alex Trebek [Three Bulls]- to immediately grow-back their moustaches." [We are losing patience gentlemen!]

[If they will not comport themselves, we urge the public visit that hairpiece store on Western in Hollywood. Purchase artificial moustaches, then paste these gentlemen before they take to the Airwave. Think of your planets future in the Cosmos.]

SECOND WARNING TO CAFFERTYNSKY:

"Hey, Baba. I'm hearink screamink "Take me Caffertynsky! Take me!" vhen I'm valking by Mama's bedroom. Vere does Mama vant to go?" Uncle Bubba: "Well, Rebbie. The Merican language has many meanin' s fur words. Sum ar better not bein' discussed.

Twin Cousins Vern And Virgil

Uncle Bubba: "My cousins stopped by sayin they could have really been usin sumbuddy like 'Dead-Eye-Dick Cheney' in The Nam." Sayin': "We was shootin at em in the Nam, but 'ey kept on shootin' back. We never knowed if we shot nobuddy. Cept onced we shot ouselves. by mistake. But at Dead-Eye Dick he always be's shootin' someone. Er's a natural Grunt fur ya. Was he huntin duck or at Quayle guy?"

RABBI MOE SOLVES IMMIGRANTION CRISIS?*&%$?

"Dis ist vhat jou guyz gotta do-it. Jou change-it the name of that Texass to Texico. Then when the illegal immigrant guyz from Mexico come to-it the border, they vont beink able to find-it Texass. Den they will-it be goink home confused-it." There was only one problem. Mama was born and bred in Texas. And, Mama's second rule is: "Ya dont never be messin with Texas." We convinced Mama to put down THE BBQ FORK. Mama: "Well. he didnt no no better. Sides he's a man of God. We gotta be forgivin." Lucky Rabbi Moe.

"Hey. Baba. Dat guyz from Georgia who criticizink your mench frieund dat NEAL THE GAMBLER analyst on the FOX NEWSVATCH-DAWGS, better be-it vatching out." Rabbi Moe "Damn strait Rebbie." Uncle Bubba

WARNING TO CAFFERTYNSKY:

Mama's taken a likin to you. At can mean only one thing. We heard Rabbi Moe prayin fur ya: "Oh, please. Don't-it let Mama find out ver dat Situation Wromb is. Ouy, Yoik, Yo, Yo, Yo Yo...."

Mama says, "A woman's gotta be lookin out fur her security. Specially when her socialized security's bein attacked by publicans. So, my decision is ya be marryin agin. Caffertynsky's the best hopes. Tell ya he' a provider. Those strong silent types got em big, anormous, always givin ... hearts. We gotta find at situation wromb. Get me Rabbi Moe!" Mama always gets what Mama wants.

"O.K. now let's be doink more prayink for CAFFERTYNSKY. I see never Mama actink like this. Only one thingk's on dat's voman's minds."

"Yeah. Mean Uncle Fester stopped by sayin 'Mama's got the lovebug egain. She's actin like a Hippo in ballet shoes. Who's the poor victim this time?" Uncle Bubba

"Caffertynsky!!!" Everybody Screamed. "Mean Uncle Fester aint one fur no sypathy, but he just walked away shakin his head." Uncle Bubba

"Hey. Baba. Ver ist dat situation womb, any the ways. I vant to wisit my Mench WOOF." Rabbi Moe

"Tryink to find sum noose for my mench WOOF BLITZER. Vhat a guyz! Tryink to be furgurink out, vaht's the situation, for dat wroomb of his, and dat Cafferty-guyz. Cafferty? Now, dats the funny Jewish name-it I ever heard-it. [NOW, I REMEMBERINK. HE'S ONE OF DEM CAFFERTYNSKIS FROM VARSAW. JOU NO FOOLINK ME WITH THE SHORTENINK TO CAFFERTY. HA!] So dat's vhy the guys so gut mit my mench WOOF. Like two coins of the different sides.

Hay-it. I beink wonderink maybe my WOOF could be payink me for this? I am's goink to talk to Baba. Sea his thinkink. Zo I go up to everybody and askink, 'Zo, vhats da situation?'"

"DIS IST NOT THE SITUATION WOMB. BUT, ITS DA IMPORTANT NOOSE FUR MY MENCH WOOF." RABBI MOE

"Rabbi Moe and I's been wonderin if that reporter Judy Miller is related to "Zell from Hell" Miller, Dennis The Menace Miller, or Delphi CEO Steve Miller. Steve says we's all now become EXPENSIVE LABOR ECONOMIC UNITS. Does dat mean we aint human bein's or workers no more? How da ya act like A UNIT?" UNCLE BUBBA "Bubbie. Ya gotta find a robot , ask em, they gotta no how act like one of em UNITS.' Mama

Uncle Bubba, "Ya know Mama I was wachin em airline pilots on the strike picketin line. They was walkin real funny like em robots beings. Maybe eh know how teach me how be actin like a unit. What da ya think." Mama, "Bubbie, I saw em too. Ya maybe on ta somethin. But how da ya talk to em if er always in the air?" Bubba,"I figure somthin."

RABBI MOE SETTLES CHRISTMAS CONTROVERSY?!$#?

"OK. Jou Guyz. Beink stoppink it vith dis Christmas non-sense. Jewish people can be sayink MERRY CHRISTMAS jus like dis: 'MERRY CHRIST Jesus-was-a-Jew MASS.' Then it's the OK mit Gott. My apologies to mein fellow noose men. I know-it ver not to becomink beink part of the stories. But, vhen the Gott call-it, it's like the Mama, ya better beink sayink. Yes! I

SOME COMIC RELIEF

Uncle Bubba's Mama says, "Hey. Em publicans with er budget is hurtin the little people. us. Next ell be after my socialized security egain. Er playin wit fire. They took at handsome Grench outta chrrismass." Everyone immediately and enthisiatically agreed. No one dares disagree with Mama.

DO NOT BE AFRAID"

... unless Mama's beink mad at ya, den be very very afraid-it" Rabbi Moe

"Never stop forgiving." The Theologian, The Philosopher

>>>>>>> The Master said: "However, be as shrewd as serpents, but as innocent and harmless as doves."

>>>>>>> The Cynic refers to this as: "The infinite excruciating suffering of patient forgiveness."

>>>>>>> "Not bad for our young friend." the

>>>>>>> "Some cynic. You people are bad influence on the poor kid. He's becoming a Goodie-Two-Shoes." The Politician

>>>>>>> "Hey, Watch it Buddy. I can still be as mean and cruel as everyone else."

>>>>>>> Hysterical Laughter.

>>>>>>> "Hey, this Site is so slow, you can take a knap between clicks. Yeah. And, let's get rid of the lightening bolts picture. People will think we're promoting Fear - The Wrath of God." The Satirist

>>>>>>> "Hey, beink vatching it the buddy. Dat lightnink is for mein mench WOOF. Blitzer beink meanink The Lightening Thinkink of the The Iran Man. Vith his frieund dat Caffertynsky guyz. Vatch Out! I'll beink gettink Mama mad! "

>>>>>>> Hysterical Hysterical Laughter.

"Rabbi Moe and I's been wonderin if that reporter Judy Miller is related to "Zell from Hell" Miller, Dennis The Menace Miller, or Delphi CEO Steve Miller. Steve says we's all now become EXPENSIVE LABOR ECONOMIC UNITS. Does dat mean we aint human bein's or workers no more? How da ya act like A UNIT?" UNCLE BUBBA "Bubbie. Ya gotta find a robot , ask em, they gotta no how act like one of em UNITS.' Mama

Uncle Bubba, "Ya know Mama I was wachin em airline pilots on the strike picketin line. They was walkin real funny like em robots beings. Maybe eh know how teach me how be actin like a unit. What da ya think." Mama, "Bubbie, I saw em too. Ya maybe on ta somethin. But how da ya talk to em if er always in the air?" Bubba,"I figure somthin."

Uncle Bubba's Mama says, "Dem publican congress cuttin us the little people by 40 Billion, are firin us from the middle-class. JUS TA GIVE AR MONEY TO THE RICH PEOPLE. THEY AINT OUT-OF-TOUCH, OUT-OF-CONTROL. NO, SIR. THEIR OUTTA-OF-THEIR-MINDS! Ya se we tried bein poor, it aint no fun. They's jus made is red-state lady---BLUE. Time we fired em in dem in 2006 lections. They aint christians if er votin again what Jesus was sayin. I'm mad like hell and I aint gonna take it no more. Er's a time fur everythin. It's time fur REVENGE!" EVERBUDDY CHEERED!!! An AXIOM of life: You do not want to make Mama mad.

Like Mama says, "Em publican cant be trusted with Money, and em democrats cant't be trusted with women." Everbody cheered.

"ER'S GUNNA BE TRUBBEL." Uncle Bubba.

THE CASE OF THE VANISHIN' LIBERALS

UNCLE BUBBA:  "It just dawned on us.  Where are all the liberal and moderate leanin CNN reporters.  They all jus kinda vanished.  Maybe em UFOs got em?  Un-Friendly Opponents.  Like I dont cee no Judy Woodruff no more.  Wheres Mr Bill of The Press.  Nor the Crossfires gentlemen.  Yeah. and what ever happened to at Capital Gang bunch.   Where is my Miss Margaret Carlson.  I missin ya Miss Margaret.  Like alot people. I miss the family kitchen table politics. The family yellin and creamin witha purpose.  You no, so ya can let off at political steam at builds up in ya.  Was talkin to this singer named Robert Bobby Zimmerman.  Says he gonmna write a song bout it 'Where have all the Liberals gone, long time passin' Yeah.  And, where's at niice fella Paul Begala and is friend our favorite James Carville.  Were thinkin we better be put our Paranoind Uncle Dick Fick on the vestigtion.'  Yeah.  The same Uncle Dick Fick whose turned em self in to Homeland Security for maxmum detention so he wont becom one of em enemy combatents.  He figure when the governments dun restin everybody as terists, he can say 'Hey. I m not guilty caus I was in jail all the time.'  En they ll let him go free.'  Maybe we all should turn ouselfs in jus ta be safe, ya no."